Early dawn outside my great-aunt’s house.
Today’s schedule was pretty tiring- shopping. The whole bunch set off from home at ten in the morning and returned sweating/ half-asleep around eight in the evening. To be honest, it was a heck of an expensive tour as we bought luxury goods. And in the middle of shopping, I wanted to buy a t-shirt. The desire suddenly came. Therefore, I dragged my mother around at least five big shopping centre and a dozen of small stores to hunt for the “perfect” attire. However, we found none.
Seriously, all those markets didn’t have any. Now the problem arose because the 99% of the local citizens are thin; and I’m someone who has layers of fats here and there. Overweight, is what I’m and reasonable as it is I cannot fit into an S. And believe me; most of the goods here are either S or XS. M (Medium) which I use is rare, and you can even forget about getting L or XL (It is almost near to impossible).
It’s been a couple of years since I’ve gained weight- most of it was because I slept a lot (Some days I could even sleep for 14-16 hours a day continuously. Perhaps, hibernating sounds better). As I became chubby, few people began to criticize me, though it was indirect. I’m not that dumb; I can read what people actually mean in their sentences. However no one has directly approached me about my built and bullied me for it or crossed “the” line (Except for my mother and one of cousins. They are just too sarcastic and outspoken, and scarier than me).
There was a time when an act of bullying occurred. In the party for the celebration of welcoming the New Year ahead; I was just thirteen. Naïve was what you could have seen me as during those years (I’m more of a devil now). My usual flow was: party - people – music – noise – drinks – washroom.
Before I entered the washroom I heard some noise, followed by laughter (You could tell by the tone of the laughter, it was evil. Something alike to the laughter of the stepmother of Snow White or the evil witch that curses the pretty princess. Maybe I’ve been watching too much of Disney). The room was crowded with older girls. As I approached, they left. The only one remaining was a girl whose hair was messed up with water. She was sitting on the single bench placed inside, crying. Her eyes puffed soar and red. Smudges of her mascara ran all around in the process of wiping her tears. To this day, I still remember that face.
Millions of things ran across my mind. Who is she? Why is she crying? Should I help her? If so, how should I help her?
I didn’t know what to do. In the midst of the chlorine smelling room, I was standing and I just kept on watching her. I didn’t move an inch and neither did she. Now I think about it now, I could have done many other things.
I could have sat next to her and make her feel that there is someone with her. I could have hugged and comforted her till there were no more tears left. I could have wiped those tears of hers. I could have just run into the hall and beat the hell out of the girls, though I might be the victim later on. There is a long list of “I could have”. But let’s come back to the reality; I did nothing. I did nothing but become dumb-struck like a deer would freeze under the headlights of a vehicle. It’s too late.
Now, the above story is utterly made-up from the royal citadel of my wild imagination. That never happened at all. However, when I was younger, I’ve seen few cases like the one mentioned above. But I didn’t know what it meant. I was ignorant and illiterate. I didn’t even know what sex was until I was fourteen or fifteen! Just imagine how innocent I was.
Even though these kinds of things were invisible to me, it still would continue around me. Someone called my classmate ugly because her body frame and skin tone was different from other kids. People didn’t want to befriend one particular guy because he was of different country, an alien basically in front of their eyes. Even adults would make biased decision. You get a big fat F in a test and the teacher automatically assumes that you’re the rotten apple in the sack. He/ she may not tell you directly but you could always feel it from their gaze and their behavior. Even grown-ups aren’t fair.
This and that, these and those, people around you never cease to give you reasons to make you believe that you are actually a failure. You’re not worth it!
My best friend used to get teased a lot by our group of friends. They told her that her cup size is too small. She didn’t say anything at all, so I assumed nothing was wrong. Who knew that I was the wrong one? Looking back, it must have hurt her a lot. She is a sweet girl, but at the same time she is really sensitive too. She must have went home dejected, thrown herself at the bed carelessly, and muffled her cries on the bosom of the pillow, just so that her parents wouldn’t hear. Her tears must have disappeared into the flow of sprinkled water and her voice must have lost in the midst of the shower. Not once but many times. Perhaps it wasn’t about that event, but other that came along the way.
It’s saddening and I feel really useless that I couldn’t help her. I couldn’t support her. I feel really sorry for myself because I was so blind. Someone I love needed me but where was I? I am fully aware that all of my apologies can’t erase the past. So from now on, I want her to know that I love her and I’ll be there whether she needs me or not. Always by her side, protecting her like the Power Rangers. (Ah, I really feel pathetic. I don’t believe I’m crying my eyes out right now. Glad no one can see me right now).
Anyway, even if it sounds really cliché, I want everyone to know how awesome they are. I don’t care how you look. Honestly! Even if you’re a seven foot tall or one foot, I’m going to come up to you, hug you and say that I care about you. I wouldn’t care even for a second if you’re fat, thin, tall or short. I don’t care. If you stop for a moment and think, does these labels that the society forcibly place upon you are important? No, it just plain gibberish. You are who you’re and you rock just the way you’re! You’re special and precious.
I don’t know how many people will read this long passage, and even if they did I don’t know how many will believe me. Perhaps you’ll think it’s just some girl going through her PMS and writing about some plain boring thing. However, please look around you. There are people suffering from lack of love, deprived of their confidence and deficient of support they need. Please take a minute out from your life, just 60 seconds; walk up to them, hug them and say that you care. Tell it to your parents, your friends, maybe the strangers on the road. Just that minute of your time can really turn 180 degrees of somebody’s life; it can bring them happiness and even save their life. Because it is always nice to know that somebody cares about you.
(Source: hrrrthrrr, via shemozzles)
Funny things occur from time to time. However, there is one event that repeats itself again and again; a truly recycled joke.
My brother, Ronal and I usually have our gender mistaken. A whole lot of misguided identities were made in winter. I’m definitely not a winter person; perhaps because I’ve been living in “ever-sunshine land”. Therefore, you could see me wearing layers and layers of clothing. Another humorous thing to note: People thought I had grown a lot chubby when they first came to meet me. However, as spring approached and I started to wear t-shirts only, they congratulated me saying I had made a big progress in losing weight.
Earlier today, we went to my mom’s friend to eat pani puri (a spicy snack). There were other customers too. One of them mentioned, “What a beautiful girl!” She was indeed looking at Ronal. Now Ronal has his bangs till it covers his eyebrows. In addition to that, he is very fair.
My mom’s friend corrected her by saying that he was a boy. The woman laughed at her mistake and continued, “Oh, I really thought he was a girl.”
Her gaze then turned to me, “And he’s sister looks nearly like a young lad.”
It has been a couple of months since I had cut my hair down pretty short. It has already grown long enough to make a small ponytail. But before that, an incident occurred. I was wearing a XXL black sweatshirt and normal jeans and was waiting for my parents. It was outside the shopping mall. I was starring at the space when a girl appeared in front of me. She looked hesitant but finally she did talk to me. She introduced herself as Sujita, so I told her my name was Romi. She nodded and gave me a piece of paper before leaving. She kept looking back at me until she met her girlfriends. The girlfriends too gave me a weird look.
Once they left, I opened the paper. It was her e-mail.
Once, my grandmother (not biological) came to visit our family. It was seven in the morning, and I was apparently half asleep in the couch of the living room. As she entered the room, I stood up and greeted her formally. Hands clasped together and a deep bow while still being wrapped in blankets. She was pleased and praised me, “What a handsome son you have!”
(Source: bewareofmpreg, via saiken)
People always think that when you sleep together, there’s always something that is happening in between the sheets and the bed. But let me tell you, It’s not always like that. The feeling of actually hugging each other until you fall asleep, the warmth of each other’s breath, and the total happiness in the morning when you wake up right beside him. Everything may sound to good to be true, but sometimes it takes a lot of responsibility and love to be able to be as wholesome as possible. Sleeping with your special someone is one of the most heartwarming experiences you’ll ever have. No nothing, simply hugging and smiling yourself to sleep.
(via brokenanemone)
